


Torn

by RoseThorne



Category: Slayers (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Anal Sex, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Oral Sex, Orgasm Denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-23 00:28:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4856309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseThorne/pseuds/RoseThorne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zelgadis shut Xellos out after learning his true nature after the battle in the Temple of Sand. After the incident in Alto and Baritone, Xellos loses patience.</p>
<p>Originally written in November 2009.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Torn

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Slayers is owned by a bunch of folks who aren’t me. I’m borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

The affair had started after the incident in the doll tower. After losing dignity dressing as a bunny and enduring the teasing of the others, only to discover that the whole thing had been for nothing, Zel hadn’t wanted to be around Lina and the others for a while. He had gone off to be alone—to mope, he could admit now. He hadn’t expected anyone to follow him, let alone Xellos. And an apology from the strange priest for falling for the tale that had led them there had been surprising.

But what had shocked him even more was what had come next. He couldn’t really remember exactly how it had happened—it had happened so fast—but Zelgadis had found himself naked and writhing blissfully under Xellos, shocked that anyone could want him this way, especially someone as beautiful as the priest. He hadn’t realized that his body could feel anything so intensely, a glorious mix of pain and pleasure, as it felt Xellos pounding into him, slowly drawing him to orgasm.

It wasn’t the way Zel had expected to lose his virginity, but he hadn’t had any complaints.

The few weeks after that had been almost like a dream, the anger and hate he had felt toward Xellos after he’d burned the Claire Bible manuscript in front of him slowly morphing into something far more positive. There were disappointments, a few arguments, and a few rather embarrassing close-calls with Martina nearly catching them, but ultimately Zelgadis had been tentatively… happy.

In the Temple of Sand, Xellos had led him away from the campsite and fucked him into a sand dune between the endless rows of tablets until Zel was too exhausted for another go. It was almost as though the priest had known what was coming.

He had still been finding sand in uncomfortable places when Lina told them the truth about Xellos, what he really was. It had made a horrible kind of sense; only another monster would find him attractive, would want him in the ways Xellos had taken him.

That had been the end of it. He’d made sure that he wasn’t alone with Xellos after that, had only talked to him when necessary, even then usually addressing the group as a whole. The priest stopped trying to talk to him after a few days. It had almost been a relief when Xellos had disappeared, though he’d had to ignore a horrified pang in his chest when Gaav had nearly killed the Mazoku.

Xellos disappeared completely without a goodbye after Lina destroyed Hellmaster with Giga Slave, and Zelgadis set himself to the task of forgetting, letting Amelia shower him with platonic attention, trying not to wish that she was a certain purple-haired priest. Even though he knew of Amelia’s crush, that she cared for him, he couldn’t bring himself to feel that way for her. He didn’t think he could allow himself to be that vulnerable after Xellos.

When the Mazoku reappeared after Filia commissioned them, it was almost impossible to ignore him. Just seeing Xellos made his body burn with a desire that was difficult to hide. Zel made a concerted effort to stay far away from him, something that was easier with Filia around to irritate the priest.

But the incident in Alto and Baritone changed all of that. Not only did Xellos insist on following him and Amelia, but he tried to catch Zel privately several times. Each time, Zel managed to avoid him.

When they finally reached an inn after the battle, he went to take a bath after midnight, when all the other inn patrons would be asleep and he wouldn’t have to endure their stares. It was there that Xellos managed to corner him.

Zelgadis glared at him when he appeared, quite suddenly, across from him in the bath, but he had to swallow hard and look away when he realized that the priest was naked.

“What the hell do you want?” He forced his voice to sound cold, angry.

Xellos didn’t answer or move, and eventually the chimera glanced at him again. The Mazoku cocked his head.

“Why do you push me away, Zelgadis-san?”

Zel was startled by a note of genuine-seeming confusion in Xellos’ voice, but he held fast and didn’t reply. He didn’t think he could if he wanted to. Just looking at Xellos, naked and close and apparently offering, was difficult.

“It’s not as though I can’t tell that you still desire me.”

Zelgadis shook his head in denial; he couldn’t fool himself, but maybe he could still fool Xellos, get him to leave him before he succumbed to weakness and let the Mazoku take advantage of him again. But beyond fleeing again, he couldn’t come up with a plan for that. Xellos could sense everything he was feeling without half-trying.

“I want nothing to do with you,” Zel whispered, then moved to get out of the bath. He hadn’t finished bathing, but he didn’t care. Right now all that mattered was getting away from the seductive priest.

He found himself, quite suddenly, on his back, sprawled on the tile near the pool, with Xellos leaning over him.

“And I still want you,” the Mazoku said, not responding to his words verbally. But his eyes were open, and he looked angry.

Zelgadis had enough sense to be afraid of that anger before Xellos kissed him and drove it away, stirring longing and lust and memories of them doing much more in a bath near the beginning, before knowing had stripped Zel’s hope. He couldn’t stop himself from kissing back.

When Xellos pulled away, it was to ask again, “Why?”

He closed his eyes and said nothing for a moment, then jerked away when he felt Xellos stroke his cheek. “You’re Mazoku,” he said finally.

Xellos made an unconvinced noise. “That doesn’t mean I can’t feel attraction, Zelgadis-san. It’s more than just that.”

He was still stroking the shaman’s cheek. The touch was tender, and Zel couldn’t help but lean into it after wanting it for so long. After a moment, the caress stopped, but the touch remained, gentle, almost loving. But it was a lie, and Zelgadis turned away again. He wanted to get up, get away, but he couldn’t bring himself to move.

“Why?” Xellos repeated.

The truth felt heavy, but he forced himself to say it. “Only another monster would be attracted to me.” He tried to keep his voice level, conversational, but it came out grieved.

There was a little surprised inhale at that, and the Mazoku cupped his cheek again, resuming his gentle strokes. “Sometimes you’re such a fool.”

Zel opened his eyes at that, startled, and found Xellos’ inhuman eyes staring at him with something akin to affection, though it was mixed with something darker that he couldn’t identify.

“Your body is… incidental. It’s the humanity in you that’s so attractive. You wouldn’t be interesting without it, Zelgadis-san.” Xellos smiled slightly. “And even if that were the case… Why deny yourself pleasure for such an inane reason?”

Zelgadis only stared at him for a moment, his emotions a whirl. He didn’t want to be interesting—it was usually an insult that referred to his inhuman aspects. But it was almost a compliment when applied by a Mazoku to him as a human. He felt pinned by Xellos’ eyes.

“You realize, I’m sure, that most chimeric combinations of human and demon end with the demon in control,” Xellos continued mildly. “The fact that you have the willpower to be in control… It’s rare to find a human with that kind of strength.”

He couldn’t keep himself from feeling disappointed; he had always interpreted Xellos’ actions as being something deeper than  _interest_. Naïvely, it seemed. Even if he wanted more, the Mazoku wouldn’t—and likely couldn’t—give it to him.

“So I’m an oddity, something of passing interest,” he said heavily, finally reaching up and pushing Xellos’ hand away, refusing to look him in the eye.

But when he moved to get up, Xellos pushed him back onto the tile and grabbed his chin, forcing Zel to look at him.

“You’re twisting my words. Do not think me so shallow,” the priest hissed, his eyes flashing. He looked affronted, as though the shaman had insulted him.

Zelgadis looked at him a long time, and this time it was Xellos who looked away, released him. The chimera sat up, and neither of them spoke for a while.

“You’re Mazoku,” Zel whispered. “Love… isn’t something you’re capable of.”

“Perhaps not.” Xellos’ voice was soft. “I am, however, capable of affection, as you well know. Isn’t that enough?”

Zel considered that. He’d been  _happy_  before with Xellos, had assumed that the affection was more than just that. But now that he knew it wasn’t… and that the priest was really a Mazoku with a penchant for destruction, who likely fed off every negative emotion he had… Zelgadis wasn’t so sure that was enough anymore.

When he didn’t answer, Xellos continued. “If you’re looking for more, I’m surprised you haven’t turned to Amelia-san. She’s offered. She was rather loud about it today.”

“She has a crush, based on a romantic vision that I’m some knight in shining armor. Once the glamour fades, she’ll realize it’s not possible, that as a princess she has to marry someone that Seyruun won’t object to.” He couldn’t quite keep the bitterness from his voice. “Someone who doesn’t look like a monster.”

“Reality never is as romantic as humans desire it to be, is it?” Xellos murmured.

Zelgadis glanced at him, catching the meaning behind those words. “No,” he said slowly. “It isn’t.”

To his credit, the Mazoku didn’t look smug, and he didn’t say anything sarcastic. Instead he pushed the shaman onto his back gently, leaned down, and kissed him.

It was the last thing spoken for several minutes as they rolled around on the tile, remapping each other’s bodies, tasting and feeling. When Xellos pressed lubricated fingertips to Zel’s ass, he arched into the touch, welcoming the bit of pain and the pleasure that followed.

But it was when Xellos was pounding into him that things changed. His thrusts were almost violent—though they were still accompanied by so much pleasure that Zelgadis could barely stay coherent—and his hands were rough in their caresses, so rough that if his skin hadn’t been stone they would have left bruises. His eyes bored into the chimera’s; Zel couldn’t look away, and even if he’d wanted to he couldn’t get away.

Despite the violence, the clear anger, it was still sex, and it was still good. When he was close to coming, Xellos grabbed the base of his cock and squeezed painfully, enough to make him gasp and drive him away from the edge, even as the Mazoku kept fucking him. The third time he did it, Zelgadis tried to pull his hand away, but Xellos easily restrained his hands without breaking rhythm, without taking his hand away.

After the fourth time, Zelgadis resorted to begging and trying to force himself to orgasm, thrusting against the Mazoku almost wantonly. He dimly felt Xellos pulse within him. Then the priest was pulling out, his hand gone from the chimera’s erection. The sudden loss of stimulation, loss of contact, left him floundering and confused.

Zelgadis was desperately aroused, but before he had gathered enough of his scattered wits to realize that his hands were free, to reach down and finish it himself, Xellos was above him again, splashing ice-cold water on his lap.

His erection was gone immediately, shriveled. It drove all sane thought from his mind, left him aware of nothing but a white-hot spike of agony that lingered. He curled there with his hands cupped over his groin, cursing, trying not to sob in frustration and pain, for what seemed like a lifetime before he became aware of a hand caressing his hip.

Xellos was lying alongside him, smiling at him, when he managed to open his eyes. A tension that Zelgadis hadn’t realized was there was gone now, and he realized hazily that the Mazoku really  _had_  been angry with him. The shaman prayed that it was gone, that this wasn’t some sort of precursor, a beast unleashed.

When Xellos moved his hand toward his groin, Zel tried to stop him, but the Mazoku easily bypassed his hand, running one finger down his flaccid penis. The touch was actually painful, and he couldn’t quite contain a whimper.

“This won’t do…” Xellos frowned at him.

Zelgadis didn’t understand what he meant and was afraid to find out, but he couldn’t resist when the priest pushed him onto his back, still recovering. Then Xellos was bending over him, only his hair visible, taking him in his mouth. The chimera would have screamed if he could have found his breath, pain and pleasure ripping through him like an Astral spell, hot, wet pressure engulfing him.

Xellos coaxed back his erection, forcing the pain to recede, bringing bliss so sharp that it seemed to cut through all coherent thought, leaving only feeling. Zelgadis could only twine his fingers in the Mazoku’s silky-soft hair, trying to use his body to ground him—but that body wasn’t real, was only an illusion, and realizing that made it impossible to focus.

Pressure built within him, stoked by Xellos’ mouth, by fingers that pushed into him again and massaged, and Zelgadis couldn’t tell where one sensation ended and another began. They spiraled higher and higher until his body throbbed with ecstasy. Then his entire being melted.

He was barely conscious of arms around him, then of warm water, a gentle touch drying him. Then clothing, a soft mattress, blankets pulled over him.

But he heard the words that would accompany him into his dreams.

“I may not be able to love you, but I will give you what I can. I do hope that’s enough, Zelgadis-san.”

Zelgadis wanted to tell him it was, that he’d been a fool, but it would have to wait until morning because all he could manage was an unintelligible grunt into his pillow. But as he was pulled into a warm embrace, he wasn’t sure it’d need to be said.

For once he didn’t care if Gourry woke to find them like this, if any of them did, damn what they thought. He settled against the Mazoku and let sleep take him.

**Author's Note:**

> I probably spent an hour trying to figure out what the title of this should be. Then Natalie Imbruglia’s song came on my shuffle, and I decided that was close enough.
> 
> Written for Springkink (what isn’t, lately?): Xelloss/Zelgadis: orgasm denial - you're only making it worse, you know.
> 
> Probably not exactly what the prompter wanted, but I’ve written plenty of non-con and poor Zel needed a break—not that this was much of one!


End file.
